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Wednesday, February 14th, 2007
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8:55 pm - been gone way too long
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So i had to repost this in here since certain people would be proud of me standing up for myself as well as others being all protective of me.....
ENJOY!!!!!
Since my words and reasoniings are never enough for you, I decided to let someone else do the talking for me. Had you listened to me, this step never would have been needed. I asked you as a friend to be happy for me since I have found my happiness with a man that I not only love and trust completely, but someone that is more of a man than you could ever presume to be or become at this point. I have told you that you get to make no claims on me and that the only reason you want me is to get in my pants or up my damn skirt...well needless to say that will never happen and I doubt that you could ever pleasure me the ways that he does! If I had wanted to fuck something that round and disgusting, I would not have thought twice...I have plenty of round friends...you are one no longer.
Say hello to my little friend:
Hey ____ (shall remain nameless to protect...well something i am sure but not anyone's innocence), Next time you try to spread disinformation about someone, you might want to get your facts straight in the first place. Point 1: I have been single since January 20, 2002. Point 2: I only have a girlfriend if I say I have one. Point 3: You do not know me, so do not presume to speak for me. Point 4: I keep getting what you want. Ever think that there might be a reason for that? Point 5: I apparently have to say this again. __________, there's me. And then there is you. They don't like angry, manipulative, bitter, old, fat men. Old and fat many people can deal with. You don't give people any reason to deal with that. Point 6: Stay out of my business. You have no place in it. I appreciate your concern and caring for Kiersten. But it is not your place to lie to her or to try to manipulate her into not going after what she wants since it isn't you. I have 4 rules that I expect the rest of the world to live by. You need only be concerned with one of them. Do NOT fuck with my woman. If I still need to say anything after this, then you obviously need more help than any of us can give you. I bid you adieu and good night. And by the by. I never dated ______. We have spent time and had fun. But a committed relationship, No.
Hopefully never needing to speak again,
____________ (i am protectin my man)
current mood:  bitchy
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| Monday, November 20th, 2006
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12:45 pm - revelations
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So I am tired of giving a piece of myself and just to have it mean nothing...as opposed to having pieces of myself stolen...
Nothing makes sense anymore--at least not where the opposite sex is concerned. I have grown oblivious to the ones who want me and then its too late. Or I cant tell the lies from the truth and dont know when to believe them. Its the random guy who changes from the friend to the something more and he already knows too much about me. Its the guy that I meet years before and then start talking to and hten he writes his number and then it goes up and down like a fucking rollercoaster...with the go away and no come back...its like a yo yo and I cant even find the ground that I used to stand on. Its like something randomly appears and I start feeling things and then the on again off again shit starts and I dont know what I am suposed to feel anymore. The more I let myself trust someone, the more trust gets taken from me and I end up betrayed and hurt...broken and bruised and more confused then before it started...
Just when I thought I could give up and then figure out what was missing--the good guy comes along who knows everything without me saying anything and then doesnt know what he wants. I dont even know what I want and I cant figure out the whole guy lingo...read between the lines, this is what I want and you are who I want to be with. Nothing makes sense--not that it ever did and ever will...
I can't keep giving away pieces of my self and trying to figure out what I am supposed to feel...
current mood:  blank
current music: tv noise in the background
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| Monday, November 13th, 2006
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12:39 pm
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So after neing sick for days and days...I am finally feeling better, completely back to myself...
It has been brought to my attention that for whatever reason at the MDRF this year, I was "timid"...While I make no excuses for that...as it is bullshit....timid, me...yeah right...I may have been a little less talkative and hyper. How can one person be hyper and talkative all the time? Since I cannot be hyper 24/7/365, I make no excuses for whatever timidness may have been viewed. I just wasn't feeling as hyper as usual...
So I am sitting in the basement, watching one of my favorite movies and debating what to wear on friday...
At least I am back to normal
current mood:  calm
current music: background noise from the TV
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| Wednesday, November 8th, 2006
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11:43 am - still sick
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So I am still sick, still cannot keep anything in my stomach...and yet I am going to force myself to go to class for a presentation today. Why Iam willing to put myself through this I have no clue...............
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| Wednesday, May 24th, 2006
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9:41 pm - And the countdown begins
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okay...one year until graduation!! I am torn between the "i have been waiting for this for so long" and the "holy shit my own class and students." needless to say that between the portfolio and the stress of writing seven page lesson plans, i am glad that the semester has now ended and i have free time again.
just think...in another year, i will have a piece of paper that says that i can teach kids...oh god what a thought
current mood:  exhausted
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| Monday, March 13th, 2006
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7:36 pm - Another rant...another day at home
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So apparently, I am on the "bad child" list again.
When asked last weekend what the plan was for Easter, I replied simply that I did not know but had been invited by the man to brunch with his family. This brought on the usual pouting spell, which was ignored and left in the back of my mind because of its uselessness. I am not five and will not be subjected to guilt trips any longer, at least where my mother is concerned. If I have learned anything from this dating experience, it is that when she likes the guy too much, I need to be away from her as much as possible. She likes to try to run my life and I think she actually fears the fact that I may decide to teach in another state and move away from her.
So I made the usual drive home from Va this past Sunday. The hour long drive home allows for time to think...this week's topic: My mother the whiny bitch. So I got the official invite from the man's parents and his mom asked if I thought that my parents would mind. My response was that I did not give them the chance to have an issue with it and just told them that I would probably be in Va that weekend anyway. Since I spend most of my time in Va as it is, one more weekend when I get the chance to dress up and look nice and see family from out of town is okay by me. Plus, the brother-in-law and I have a great relationship as the family add-ons. I told he other mom that I would love to go to Easter Brunch with the family. Of course the man will be gaming after brunch anyway, so I would probably be home in time for the stupid dinner anyway. On the lovely stretch of 95 that feels even more like home these days than 695 does, I got to thinking that I am not the bad child just because I choose to see the rest of his family. I have seen my family for 23 years in a row, 23 Easter dinners that are supposed to be all important and never are, and I do not need to add number 24. The stupid part is that my mother tries to lay the guilt trip on whenever she thinks it might actually help her case. "Don't forget you have family here that want to see you and spend time with you too." This is mother speak for "Please don't forget that I am the mother and I happen to think that you spend way too much time in Virginia and you need to be home more so that I can open doors that I shouldn't, cause trouble, get drunk with your boyfriend, and take up his time that is supposed to be spent with you." Please ask me if I give two flying flaming horse shits what she thinks I spend too much time doing? The last boyfriend had to dea with her shit and it ruined half of the relationship. This one was pre-warned about all of her bullshit and understands why I don't want to spend much time at home. The truth of the matter is that if she left us alone, it would not be so bad here. But she has to make big elaborate breakfast that she would never make if she were not showing off to impress him. She has to spend at least five minutes every Sunday that we are in Baltimore, trying to convince him to stay for dinner and not go to his standard gaming event.
So I got home and sat down to dinner that obviously did not have me in mind at all, and told her that I would be spending Easter with the man's family. She pouted as per usual and then stopped talking to me for the night. I was not complaining about that part of the evening. This afternoon, I came home from school and proceeded to tell her that I would probably be home at some point on Easter Sunday because he was going to game. She pouted about that!! And then has the nerve to ask me why I did not just tell her these facts the night before. How about because she was not going to listen after I said that I was having brunch with the other family? Or the fact that she barely listens when I talk anyway?
And tonight, when I ask her what time she is going to serve dinner on Easter, so that I have a ballpark area of when i will be home and what she can expect, she gives me attitude again! Like her attitude is making things better and making me want to be home for the holidays at all. She says that she knows that I will more than likely be late for dinner and that she doesn't care. Okay, if she doesn't care then, why the hell does she make such a big deal out of it? So I said something to my dad and my brother, both of whom know how to deal with her shit better than I do. The general conjecture was "Damned if you do, damned if you don't." Really, if ashe wanted me at home for the holidays, all she had to do was ask. No guilt trips, just a simple "Can you be home for this holiday? The family would like to see you." But NOOOO!! I have the queen of phony guilt trips for a mother and she does not know when to stop.
My little brother needs to get acupuncture for his back. So the first thing he does when the doctor recommends the treatment is to call me and tell me what happened and ask if I can call my friend so that she can treat him. Yeah, like I want to share that part of my life with him. The only reason that he wanted me to call her is because he wants free treatments! He and my mother apparently decided to take this route instead of going through the doctors and the insurance company...yeah well let's just see if I pass along the proper information. I would not screw her out of a client, but I won't let my family take advantage of her either.
This same little brother find it funny to get served alcohol where ever he decides to drink. This same pain in the ass mother wants to go bar hopping for St. Patrick's Day. She wanted to go without a designated driver...yeah right...and then asked if my boyfriend would be okay with the idea. Never mind that her daughter is not okay with the idea but the boyfriend is what really matters. I spent the better part of my childhood trying to sleep over at parties because I did not want to ride home with her driving. So I am he bad non-Irish girlfriend who decided to drink on the Irish holiday so that I had a DD...the man...and did not have to worry about being wrapped around a pole somewhere. I decided that if she invites my little brother, I will go home. She may think it is perfectly okay to let him drink when he is underage and in a restaurant or a bar. But I refuse to be a part of it. The whole situation drives me crazy...she lets him drink so he has no care in the world and thinks it is great that he can order alcohol when he is out with us. I won't have any part of the punishment that comes from this one day. I can honestly see them having to have my brother bailed out of jail for his DUI...or all of them getting in trouble for the drinking.
So ends another rant...these are just more reasons to finish school and teach out of state...but then how far away is going to be far enough???
current mood:  cranky
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| Saturday, March 4th, 2006
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1:40 am - feeling blah
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just came home from babysitting four kids at one time...two pretty quiet, one very OCD, and the last one very hyper to say the least. for the most part all went well. the children left with their parents at different intervals of the evening. one left at 11:45ish and another at 12:30ish. the lther two live there though...so i was tsill working til 1.
waiting for the rentals to stop snoring......likely to be waiting awhile.....
gonna watch a movie on the new toy!! YAY!!
current mood:  blah
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| Thursday, February 23rd, 2006
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8:48 pm - Incredible Hypocrasy
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Yeah so I just got back from dinner with the family...like that activity was ever going to be fun. Mom pokes fun at the baby boy. The baby boy pokes fun at Mom and it ends up going too far so that Mom ends up pissed...or at least that's one scenario. Although the new one includes Dad, who hasn't been home for a dinner during the week since before I can remember and has just switched to the day shift recently. So with dear old Dad home for dinner, we can never really be ourselves. The conversations that would normally be anything goes have become G Rated...not very much fun since my dear sweet brother is more out in the world than I ever was at his age. Normal conversation now includes Mom calling her son a "man whore" and saying that her house is not the "flop house." So of course he has been bringing home various women lately and they sleep in his bed- hence her issue with him lately. Really the amount of hypocrasy that spills from her mouth is amazing.
So we go to dinner at one of the nicer steak places in good old PVille. My "innocent" little brother decides to bring the mug that he got from one of the chain sites of the steak house...he is a member of the "Tuesday night drinking club" and not even of the legal age yet. He brings in this mug and sets it in front of him, explains the mug to the waiter and waitress in training, and then they actually ask him what he wants to drink. Baby brother who is four years younger than I am decided to have a beer with his dinner and actually gets served. Mind you, yes, when I was his age I was drinking at parties in people's houses...never in a restaurant. One of the fights that he had with Mom was because he finished her beer in a restaurant. His smooth presence gets him served alcohol, he doesn't look his age, and once he gets the drink, he acts completely smug because he got it in the first place. Now that I can drink with dinner while out, it is a rare occurance that I actually do so. He is not even legal yet and he drinks more than I ever did...which is saying alot because I used to drink like a fish and hold my liqour very badly. Even in my hay day, he would have been able to drink me under the table. Maybe my parents were wrong about their drinking policy when we were growing up- it has always been okay as long as we were in front of them, and did not hide it behind their backs. Maybe this policy was too loose from the beginning and that is why he drinks so freely.
Both of my parents actually asked him what he would have done had he been carded---to which he says "Tell them he drove and I left my ID at home." He being my father and thinks Baby brother still would have gotten served. The law in MD says that everyone under the age of thirty nine is suposesed to get carded when they order a drink. Yet most waiters don't card me and apparently do not even think of asking my brother for his ID.
All of this is yet another reason to move out of state and teach somewhere else...only it has to be far enough away that they won't want to drive there. I figure that if they have to fly to come and come to visit more than once a year. I feel bad saying this but they drive me crazy. Between my brother and I there is a different set of rules for each of us. My rules are usually harsher than his by far and yet he seems perfectly okay with this.
So I am seriously considering teaching out of state.... any ideas??? I don't think Virginia is going to be far enough away.....
current mood: pissed off
current music: Drop Kick Murphies "Stand Up and Fight"
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4:47 pm - I survived........I think
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I have been student teaching for the last few Thursdays, only one day a week which pisses me off, at a school in dundalk. It's funny just how much the teachers have to do...the lesson plans that we have to right are going to be at least five pages long...five pages for a lesson that takes thirty minutes. Last week, I co-taught a lesson on rectangles. This week I taught my own lesson using a book about Red Riding Hood and a basket of cookies...the children loved the book and the props. I made this cheesy little basket froma box and a piece of paper that I colored to look like a basket...even had a pink bow. But I have learned that my lessons, while greatly thought out and planned, have a lack of behavior management. The tactics for one child are different from the tactics for twenty-one. And yet the worst one in the class was attentive and even managed to participate and tell the class about the character on the page.
I have also made some bug decisions about what I want to do as far as teaching...Being told how to write a lesson plan and teach a class is all well and good, but where does that teach you how to run the classroom? I have decided that I absolutely hate and abhore the reading curriculum for BC. That has always been a fact that was well known to anyone who will listen when I actually decide to voice my views. The curriculum that they use at the school that I am tecahing at currently makes more sense and uses more of the prior knowledge of the children than the curriculum in BC. So after realizing this fact, I decided that I do not, under any circumstances, want to teach in BC...maybe even in the state of Maryland. The offices at Towson have a sheet of paper that show whcih states will accept the diploma from Towson and the teaching certifacation it entails. Not that I want to move away from certain people and their cute children, or move away from certain friends and family, I cannot in good conscience teach in a county whose curriculum I do not agree with and never have. Go figure when I mentioned this fact to my family, one of them flew off the handle and one was totally reasonable. Oddly enough, my mother wwas the reasonable one. She said that she figured that I would teach in Virginia. I however, happen to like the idea that I could teach in various states across the country. Connecticutt looks nice- cool summers and nice winters with lots of snow. Then again, I like the idea of teaching in Maine or Colorado. The reality of the matter is that I am tired of living in Maryland and have been for years. When I was in middle school, I wanted to go to UCLA for college. Well the grades were not there for that but now that I am at Towson, the idea that after graduation I could teach in California is rather nice. But I can always decide that later...like when I survive the rest of my college career.
Started accupuncture this past week. Talking about myself for an hour and a half was not easy...especially when everything led to more questions and more long answers. The needles weren't so bad. Apparently the treatments are giving me more energy and enthusiasm than I have had in months. I spent the morning yesterday driving to Best Buy t get the carrying case for my lap top. Needless to say, the case is partly pink and the lap top is fun- lots of cool stuff to play with and DVDs to watch, not to mention being able to access the internet from my room or the basement. When the weather gets better I am thinking that the lap top in the hammock might be really nice! Not to mention that I can be on the computer doing homework and a certain someone can be on the computer playing WOW. The guy that I was out with told me that if I did not stop being hyper, he would make me push the car. While I didn't end up pushing the car, in reverse all the way home, I got home and had enough energy to get all of my lesson planning done. Maybe being hyper is the way that I am meant to be.
current mood:  awake
current music: "Forever" by Drop Kick Murphies
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| Thursday, February 16th, 2006
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7:17 am - to survive another day....
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So I have started my student teaching...one day a week this semester!! Let's just say that I have survived my first day and hope to survive this one too......
current mood: calm
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| Thursday, February 2nd, 2006
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4:17 pm - back from the dead
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| Sunday, June 5th, 2005
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4:52 pm - outburst
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Okay---yeah i went nuts. no i wasnt aiming it at anyone in particular just one of my pissed off rants. if you took it to heart please accept my appology. i'm done no more posting
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| Friday, June 3rd, 2005
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8:15 am - and she said the gossip will STOP...............NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Okay yes things have happened and the shit hit the fan......either i have grown up or jesse is insane is the general idea from the group.....well i have this to say.......................
THE GOSSIP SHALL STOP NOW! I CAN ONLY TAKE SO MUCH OF THIS STUPID SHIT! THERE MAY BE THINGS IN MY LIFE THAT I DECIDE TO POST IN THIS THING BUT OTHER THAN THAT, WHEN I WANT TO FUCKING TELL YOU SOMETHING I WILL! THE BOTTOM LINE IS.....
IT'S MY LIFE PEOPLE....Y'ALL NEED TO BACK THE FUCK OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
current mood: bitchy
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| Wednesday, June 1st, 2005
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8:04 am - Wow what a night
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Okay so I got home from dinner with my mother and had to take her to St Joe's....bottom line is she is fne and the only reason I was able to stay calm the whole time was a certain someone on the phone calming me down............
current mood:  tired
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| Tuesday, May 31st, 2005
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5:45 pm - Damn thunder thief!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Okay.....yes she stole my thunder and posted it before me.......no it was not just to see how owen would react.......and that is all i will say
current mood: content
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| Thursday, April 21st, 2005
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8:09 am - Bounce Bounce Bounce
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Dude can't help it....totally bouncing around the house and happy dancing in my PJs
current mood:  crazy
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| Friday, April 8th, 2005
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3:40 pm - IT IS NOT A DATE
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SINCE WHEN DOES DINNER AMND A MOVIE MAKE IT A DATE??? I DONT GET IT? ggggggggggggggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
current mood: aggravated
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8:13 am - YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Yay for me and my "not date"................i will say nothing more since i haven't gone yet.
Anyway since i now have my internet connection back--i should be on this thing more
current mood:  bouncy
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| Friday, January 7th, 2005
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8:33 pm - Fuckin' Youngin'
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Okat that FUCKING YOUNG BASTARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now that that is out of my system, I finally got a hold of Matt. Fucker pretty much gives me his work schedule. I had to go out that way anyway, returning a present to Harford Mall, and stopped by work. That piece of shit wants to know how I found him. Um I have been to Harford Mall and he pretty much said that he works like right there. Then he punches out so he can go home and hang out with Ben. So we're walking out and he starts telling me how drunk he was on New Years. Yeah okay so then he blames all the shit he said on the fact that he as drinking Everclear. Sure Ass, if you want to decide that all of that was bull shit and you want to blame the alcohol...whatever!
Younger guys are just as bad as the old ones. What guy doesn't blame alcohol when he meets a cute girl and then can't take her to bed. Yup thats right...young dude didn't score and so he wants to say everything is the fault of the Ever-fucking-clear!! How fucked up is that!
So now we know why he didn't call...too drunk to remember that my number was in his damn phone. Yeah he wanted to treat me right sure...
I told the shit that the next time he wants to feed me bull shit lines, wait until I am drunk off my ass as well! Two can play the asshole game...just wait til the next party...his ass is mine!!!!!
But other than that the shirt that I bought when I went out the other night looks great!
current mood:  rejected
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8:09 am - Margaita time.....
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So I went to a movie and dinner with my lil brother and shannon last night. Shannon and I had 2 margaritas and then we all went to see "Meet the Fockers".....yeah that movie was definately better with the alcohol buzz.
I got a hold of my little buddy on the way home and we were chatting it up...are you supposed to make baked potatoes in the microwave???? hee hee just kidding buddy.
Well gotta go to work and talk to the little kids. It's gym day today and as much as I am not looking forward to it, it's cool because Abbey loves to run around. I could not ask for a better child to work with. She is fabulous!
Well at least when the day at school is over, it will be torture time...I will get what I want even if I have to go and stand in the lumber aisle in a miniskirt. The torture will continue until I get what I want.........
current mood:  creative
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